.06-04
2026
i'm still alive!!! i swear!!
Hello, once again. Yeah, you guessed it... I'm gonna be complaining a lot. Again. Yep! I really hope no one actually reads this shit.
God damnit, I actually don't really know what to talk about this time. Just yesterday, I was at my dad's and it was really nice. I felt happy- I thought I could continue to feel like this for the whole week, but apparently not. I don't know what to do to make me feel like I did before. I tend to compare myself a lot with the person I was last year at school: a quiet freak that still had friends. Now I'm just a quiet freak that is forever ALONE!!! This sucks soo bad.
Back then, I still was very fucked up about my routine, but I still had moments where I'd gather everything up and actually TRY to fix it. Be it with the one-off workouts I'd do every few weeks, my several odd weeks worth of Kazotsky Kick practice (I still can't do it...) or those times where I'd sit by the window every dawn reading manga instead of scrolling on my phone. I tend to over-glorify those times, and I know that this endless nostalgia will just fuck me up more later. Maybe I should stop. But if I stop, I won't have any kind of goal in mind- however, I do feel like I haven't thought enough about that. Fuckkkkk,, is this what therapy would feel like? I'm kinda figuring out the answers myself here...
Okay, so I need to envision a schedule for me, is that it? I'm gonna try to do it... Yeah!!
Fuck. Nevermind. This sucks so fucking bad and it's late and I want to kill myself. Ugh.. Maybe.
Ughhh... Okay, I did it!! I'm so hungry RN... Dude, I kid you not, but my mom came in to offer me tapioca the MOMENT I wrote that. I wish she didn't, though, since I've gotta learn to live with my mistakes. The mistake being Not Eating Earlier. Cardinal sin.
I hate to say this all day every day on these blog entries but I fucking HATE my phone. I wish I could get rid of it, but... What? Oh, I wouldn't be able to communicate, for one. And even if I got rid of my phone, I still have my computer to scroll on. You have no idea what my fried brain will do to get on YouTube Shorts. Seriously, it's fucking humiliating, and NOT the good kind!!!
Social Media is also a huge bum. Politics are a huge thing here and now that I've. Actually Fucking Noticed it's so tiring. Ohh, tapioca is good... Anyway, everything is political, but at least now I have the notion that I'm Way Too Influenced, and therefore, I need to avoid these things like the plague, no matter how much I agree with it. I know that this sounds Extremely Shitty in a lot of levels, but I'd rather learn my own stuff from Real Respectable Sources than from MrTrumpForever1488 on Reddit dot Com. You know. And I've gotta read books for this stuff too since I'm just a little tiny baby who can't comprehend society and shit.
On the topic of social media I have GOT to say that DUMB PEOPLE are EVERYWHERE!! Okay that's an exaggeration but. I fucking HATE pinterest so much..... Every commenter you see is probably just a 12 year old parroting some deep and nuanced information they read 2 comments ago over and over and not fully absorbing it and repassing it onto others. And those same kids refuse to understand other viewpoints since they're trapped in their own little bubble hypnotizing each other with the same few opinions and moral rules until they collapse, or something. Ohh,, I'm using big girl words... Do I sound smart? Fuck me up.
I'm done eating my tapioca and I'm sad.
I'm back.. Got another one.
Anyway, now I'm not that moody anymore. I don't think I have much to talk about on this entry... Unless... Nah, I'm too tired for this. I have a math test tomorrow and I've already procrastinated wayy too much. Good night, girls... I wish a girl would talk to me, actually.